


where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

by notthebigspoon



Series: Stick 'Em Up [4]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 10:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/489880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's never going to be easy for Ryan to watch his babies leave him. He's never going to be able to handle it, not in a way that's considered healthy. </p><p>Title taken from Payphone by Maroon5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong

Ryan's weekends with the kids are scheduled to when he has home games. Johnnah puts them on a plane and he takes them off of it. It's not ideal, he doesn't like his kids having to spend so much time on planes and it cuts out of the time they actually get to spend with him but during the season, he's going to work with what he gets.

Not that any of that matters, because he's standing in their terminal, shifting from foot to foot and wondering briefly, irrationally, if maybe he was wrong and dreaming and they're not coming after all when there they are. Houston is holding Macey and Georgia's hands and a flight attendant is following them closely, smiling in a way that clearly says she thinks its one of the most adorable things that she has ever seen. Ryan has to agree.

“Kids!”

When they see him, they scream loud enough to get the attention of people around them. Ryan ignores the spectators, jogs across the terminal and meets them halfway, landing on his knees with his arms out and oofing when the girls bowl him over. Houston's going through a moody phase picked up from god knows where, playing at being aloof but hugging Ryan tight enough to dispel the illusion.

They babble as they pick up their luggage and head out of the airport to the short term parking. They have no ends of plans for the weekend, far more than they could ever cram into the short amount of time they're allotted but it makes no nevermind to Ryan. He's happy just to hear the sounds of their voices and be able actually see them. He boosts them into the truck, makes sure everyone is strapped in properly before heading out.

They stop for burgers for lunch, same diner as always. It's not so much about a routine as that Ryan tries to eat relatively decently during the season and he indulges himself in pretty much everything when he has his babies and what kid doesn't like a cheeseburger? No normal kid, that's for certain. They laugh, they hug, Ryan answers a million questions and breaks up random squabbles that inevitably will crop up between three young siblings. He loves it.

They're in the middle of a disgusting new experiment, ducking french fries into their milk shakes when his phone buzzes.

Jalynne: Did you get the kids?

Ryan T: Yep. They're sticking french fries in their milkshakes. It's disgusting.

Jalynne: That actually sounds really good.

Ryan T: Because you are pregnant, I will let that slide and not go into detail about how very wrong you are.

Jalynne: I'll get you for that one later mister. Have fun with the kids.

Ryan T: Already am. Speaking of, taking them to see ice age tomorrow. You and Brandon in?

Jalynne: Love to.

Home is more of the same. He bought a ton of ice cream and capri sun during a grocery store the night before after the game and they spend the night vegging on the couch while they watch Chicken Run. The flight seems to have worn them out and there's naps before the game. He's no in tonight which means he's afforded the luxury of arriving late without getting too much of a stinkeye. The kids depart with Jalynne and an order to behave themselves

The weekend proceeds much as it usually does. He takes the kids from Jalynne after the game, kisses her on the cheek in thanks and gives Brandon an apologetic look because he can't kiss him, not in front of his kids. The next day they're all up bright and early to go to the movies. The idea is to catch the first showing so they don't have to rush anything they might want to do after. And by anything they might want to do Ryan knows in his head that it's probably going to end up being a trip to Toys R Us and him buying them anything they damn well desire.

It's worth it entirely to Ryan for the happiness on their faces. Also for watching Brandon and Houston don hulk fists and duke it out in the middle of the store.

Sunday is difficult in so many ways.

The kids are going home after the day game and they know it, all of them pouting and sniffling and asking why they can't stay, they want to stay with daddy and he doesn't have an explanation for them. He's tried, before. But a small child doesn't understand how someone can tell Daddy when he gets to have them and when he doesn't. Sometimes all they see is someone that they think doesn't want them around all the time and he can't figure out how to tell them how wrong they are. How much he loves them. How desperately he wants them to be his all the time.

He makes their dinner himself, pancakes because that's one of the few things that he's really good at and they always love it, act like breakfast for dinner is a special occasion. The mood on the way to the airport has lightened a little, the sniffling has stopped anyway, and he tries to keep a smile on his face. When they get to the airport, though, it slips and he chews his lip raw as he checks their baggage, steers them through security check points and terminals, gets them to the right place.

They're making it with little time to spare, people are already boarding. He squats down, pulls Macey and Georgia in close and wraps an arm around Houston's waist. He kisses cheeks and wipes his eyes, tells them he loves them and that it's only two weeks til they're coming back, and that's not so bad, is it? There's sniffling and head shaking but they've calmed from this morning's crying jags. He stands up when he hears the disembodied voice announcing the final boarding call. 

He turns to Houston, pulls him into another hug and kissing the top of his head before clearing his throat. “Take care of your sisters, okay? Call me when you get home.”

“Yeah dad.”

“I love you.”

“We love you too.”

The flight attendant is giving Ryan a pointed look and he nods, nudging his kids towards the plane and watching them get on. He sits in a chair, watching through the glass until he sees the plane pulling away from the gate. It's twenty minutes before he can get up, pressing the sleeve of his jacket against his eyes to stuff back the tears and keeping his head down as he blindly makes his way out of the airport.

He'd intended to go home and stew in his own misery but a more rational part of him (or completely irrational, depending on who you're talking to) knows that that's not an option. He drives to Brandon and Jalynne's place without really thinking about it, periodically clenching his jaw to stifle another welling of tears. Every time... it's always difficult. It's never any easier to watch his children leave him.

He rests his forehead against the door of their apartment before unlocking it with shaking hands and letting himself in. Unlike the last time this had happened, he goes straight to the couch. They pull him down between them and he buries his face in Brandon's shoulder while Jalynne presses over his back. He gives in this time, finally lets himself cry properly, all the energy draining out of him.

“Y'okay?” Brandon asks, kissing Ryan's hair and stroking it, far more gentle than he is at any other time. Ryan simply shakes his head. “Tell me what you need.”

“I...” Ryan starts. He shakes his head again. It's too much. They don't really want to be around this. They're going to change their minds, decide that a man with three kids and pain kink, that can't deal with his life any other way than getting kicked around, is too much crazy for them to deal with.

“Hey. Look at me.” Brandon's voice is firm and he grips Ryan's chin, tipping his head up and looking him in the eyes. “Tell me what you need. We'll help you get what you need. But we can't do that, we won't do that, unless you tell us what it is. You need to stop being ashamed of this.”

“I... I need to fight. Take me to fight.”


End file.
